Over the last few weeks, I have really struggled to sleep. The horrible nightmares have returned again. I have felt constantly tired but also felt the need to stay busy. I have felt constantly on edge. I don’t like having conversations about how I feel because the truth becomes awkward and it is easier just to say everything is ok.

I still remember that day so well. Many of our family gathered to say their final goodbyes.

I remember the moments William took his final breaths being very difficult but at the same time very dignified and peaceful. Sophia helped wash him and comb his hair. We put lots of cream all other his body. He smelt lovely. He was put in fresh pyjamas surrounded by his favourite teddies. We told him he had put up an amazing fight. We told him we loved him and we were proud of him. We told him that he didn’t need to fight anymore. We then held him in our arms until he passed away.

The days and weeks following were a complete blur. So much has been taken from us. Our house feels so quiet now. Our family feels so small. We cannot feel sorry for ourselves forever but I definitely always ask the question, “Why did this happen to us?” We got to spend 6 years with a little boy who taught us so much. A little boy who gave so much. A little boy who smiled through so much.

William would never feel sorry for himself. He never got upset about the things he couldn’t do but rather embraced all the things he could do. He did everything with a smile on his face.

William we miss you. We love you and one day we will all be together again.

Rest in peace my little angel

Love Daddy

Xxxx